Women’s Issues

My true passion. Based on studies done by Georgia’s very own CDC, we know women are more likely to experience mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, and they are likely to experience them at higher rates than males across the spectrum of their lives. Thankfully, more studies are in the offing to provide additional information regarding the biological, environmental, and societal factors at play in these findings. This is great news, because for so long females subjects were excluded from such studies because menstrual cycles would complicate the data!

In my particular sphere of influence, I love getting the opportunity to help women find their voices and reconnect to their authentic selves either again, or perhaps for the first time. Sometimes that self gets lost in pursuit of the challenges of a career, or it gets sidelined by virtue of the demands of starting a family. More likely it’s trying to do both simultaneously! The women I encounter tend to be carrying the weight of their own generation, the generations they are raising, and the generations that came before – what a challenge! They face constantly changing expectations for what it means to be “enough” in all facets of their lives to include physical appearance, caregiving, leadership in the community, parenting, sexuality, and challenges in their careers, all with the ever shifting hormonal landscape that begins around 12 years old and continues to surprise us through adolescence, early adulthood, childbirth, and menopause. And don’t forget to make sure the picture perfect vacations go off without a hitch, as well as the perfectly themed holiday cards!

It is crucial for women (as well as men) to find their tribe, to speak their truth, name their insecurities, and accept their imperfections - we all have them, even though Instagram and Facebook would have us think otherwise. I count it as an honor to witness both the pain of the struggle as well as the grace and bravery most women have difficulty seeing within themselves. There is power to be discovered or rediscovered, and there are generations of wise women who came before waiting to pass along what they learned. Let me introduce you to them.

Grief & Loss

Love, belonging, and companionship are some of the greatest gifts we experience. Deep and abiding connections to others serve to improve our quality of life and provide us invaluable support for life’s challenges. The loss of a loved one or trusted companion can leave us feeling lost and bewildered, particularly when that loss is sudden, unexpected, or a result of tragedy. We can also experience grief and loss regarding aspects of our identity associated with our careers, physical abilities, or family planning. There is no rulebook for these experiences and no manual that someone can hand you with a step-by-step guide for how to navigate life after a loss. What we do know is that the accompanying feelings of sadness and grief must be given a space to exist in the wake such experiences.

I know most of us are not inherent fans of “the ugly cry,” with its gut-wrenching exhaustion. However, when we numb ourselves to grief, or distract ourselves, the unexpressed feelings typically don’t go away but rather percolate.  This can evolve into something more damaging like anger or depression, cripple us with physical symptoms, or keep us stuck in a world that has inexplicably lost its color and meaning. I am honored to provide a safe space to sit with those feelings and the pain that may seem unbearable. We will invite them in to have a cup of tea, we will sit with them, and I promise they will not stay forever.

Anxiety

Some anxiety or stress can be useful and motivating in our lives. Personally, I often need a deadline, and the threat of what might happen if I don’t meet that deadline, to finish a task on which I’ve procrastinated. How do you know if you’ve crossed the threshold from eustress or healthy anxiety to distress or problematic anxiety? Some typical signs that anxiety may be taking a severe toll on your well-being include the following:

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Finding yourself short of breath

• Racing thoughts or inability to focus in the moment

• Rapid heart rate, nausea, dizziness

• Feeling short-tempered or overwhelmed; Ready to “snap”

• Shaky hands or sudden paralyzing fear

• Limiting your daily activities to avoid anxiety provoking situations

Symptoms of anxiety can be a sign that something is out of alignment in your life. I like to think of it as an emotional astigmatism or a car with one flat tire – you can push through for a while, but eventually the system won’t be able to function in that state. Maybe you’ve allowed your boundaries to be crossed for too long, stayed in that job or relationship that hasn’t been serving you, or been wearing a mask that covers up your true self. Our brains and bodies know when we are not being authentic and they will send alarms to try and get our attention – like a warning light on the dashboard of your car. Let’s find out what your system is trying to tell you.

Depression

The symptoms of depression can vary dramatically from person to person, but usually involve some combination of the following: sleeping more than usual, inability to sleep, a sense of hopelessness, pessimism about the future, an inner critic that won’t leave you alone, an inability to take pleasure in things you used to enjoy, feeling “checked out,” reacting with anger or irritability, isolation, emotional eating or loss of appetite, or persistent sadness. Any one of us can have a bad day, a bad week, or a “tough semester.” That’s human. However, if you’ve been experiencing some of the symptoms mentioned above for more than a few weeks or months it may be time to take a closer look. You’re here because you know you deserve better. It may be situational, meaning that you’ve hit upon a circumstance in your life that has simply overwhelmed your coping skills that you’ve always been able to rely upon. There may also be a genetic predisposition that means your brain simply produces or transmits certain chemical transmitters differently. Or, you may have a family/relationship history that involved traumatic experiences or prolonged periods of neglect, abuse, or loss. Untreated trauma can often result in symptoms of depression.

Depression is complicated and there are often many factors at play. The important thing to remember is there are ways to resolve these symptoms beginning with something as small as naming it with another person -- this has been shown to reduce the intensity of such negative feelings. Let’s put a name to it and start finding the path out of that darkness.

Relationship Issues

I’ve long thought that coursework in high school and/or college should include emotion management, communication skills, conflict resolution, and boundary setting. These tend to be the hallmarks of healthy relationships, yet most of us are more likely to recall  all the state capitals or do basic algebra than communicate our needs and emotions in an assertive manner. Thankfully, there is hope! And while true emotional intimacy and relational connection are not for the faint of heart and require emotional vulnerability, learning how to communicate, to ask for what we need, and to listen can create more meaningful and fulfilling relationships than ever before.

As the well-respected writer and researcher Brené Brown often says, boundaries are compassionate. When we know what our own limits and needs are, we can more honestly communicate them to others without resentment, hurt feelings, over-responsibility, guilt, or shame. Even simply broadening our awareness of our own emotional experience can help us to better navigate the relationships in our lives. Don’t be shocked when I share the feeling wheel with you during our time together as a means of helping you get more familiar with your full emotional experience and get more clarity in how you relate to others.

Codependence / Adult Child of Alcoholic + Addiction

Codependency and ACOA experiences often, but not always, go hand in hand. There are other experiences with our family of origin that might account for the development of these characteristics, including a caregiver who was mentally/physically ill, instability within the family unit due to the absence of a caregiver (deployments, travel for work, immigration, single parenting), or the death of a caregiver/sibling. The commonality lies in how individuals tend to bend and twist their way of being to suit the situation in which they were raised. Check out the well-publicized “Laundry List” below to see if any of these characteristics ring true for you.

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.

4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

8. We became addicted to excitement.

9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

In therapy, we will work to establish or re-establish a sense of identity so that you can begin to set boundaries and even say “No” (GASP!!) when you need to without feeling guilt or a risk of abandonment. We will work to create stability and a real sense of connection, as opposed to the false security that comes from trying to be all things to all people at the expense of your own well-being. There will likely also be some attention paid to letting go of obsessive rule-following, perfectionism, and the absolute need to control situations. Let’s find a new way for you to navigate your world with empowerment and agency!

Continued Support with Recovery from Addiction

I continue to honor the courage, hard work, and dedication it takes to pursue a path of recovery. I maintain my belief that the most powerful tool in the initial stages of recovery from addiction / alcoholism is treatment in a residential setting with group and individual therapy within a treatment team. I relish the opportunity to step in once someone has established some time in early recovery and assist them in expanding their coping skills, resolution of trauma, and growth in relationship to self and others. Let’s figure out what you want to do with this big beautiful life in sobriety.

Transition & Adjustment Issues

We are all on a journey and we all get stuck once in a while. I provide support for individuals as they navigate the challenging aspects of their journey. There is no patented rule book to pull out when we get to new phases of our lives, though it would be convenient to just flip to the right chapter in order to guide us through our first year of college, break ups, new jobs, moves, pregnancy, empty nesting, or grief. Even if we’ve never struggled with depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, or anxiety, these symptoms can crop up when we reach a crossroads we’ve never before encountered. We don’t have to fake our way through it, or cultivate a convincing front for others so they don’t find out how lost we really feel. I invite you to consider how you might allow those vulnerable parts of yourself to have a voice, be heard, and feel accepted. Usually when we can do that, the way forward becomes clear.

Support for LGBTQIA+ Community

Figuring out who we are, our identity, is one of the most important challenges any of us will face during our lifetime. Navigating rigid expectations, disapproval, or negativity from loved ones can complicate, stall, or derail this process altogether. The fear of rejection is very real and can prompt us to stay hidden or pretend to be someone other than who we are in order to please and stay connected to those we love and value. Wherever you are in the process of defining your sexuality or gender identity, I will provide a safe, affirming, and accepting place to explore how you wish to move forward. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no set protocol to go by, but we will always move at your own pace. You may decide to be vulnerable with a friend or loved one and their response is judgemental. You may also come to find that you kept a potential ally at a distance due to the same fears. Wisdom, experience, and understanding may be hard-won along your journey, but worth it for the authenticity and freedom that comes in the end. I am happy and honored to help provide support in any way I can during the process of defining your identity, the coming-out process in the face of family or societal pressures, spiritual exploration, resources for medical transition, and relationship health. You know you best and I trust you.

Trauma

Trauma is anything that rips through the expected banality of our everyday existence to illustrate exactly how vulnerable and powerless we are to life circumstance at times.

I am a trauma-informed therapist in the sense that my goal is to provide safety, compassion, hope, strength, and relief for those who have experienced traumas during their life – longstanding or recent. Additionally, I am trained to assist clients in safely recognizing their trauma history, even if they’ve never considered their experiences as traumatic. Human beings  learn to cope with whatever life experiences we are born into or experience along the way – these experiences simply seem “normal” to us as we have nothing with which to compare them. However, when those experiences include physical or emotional abuse, neglect, systemic discrimination, tragic loss, the requirement to “adult” far earlier than should be expected, witnessing violence, being the victim of an assault, growing up with an addicted caregiver, or facing devastating medical diagnoses for self and/or loved ones, it is important to recognize them and tend the wounds left behind.

As part of my trauma-informed practice, I will always let you take the lead. I want you to feel completely safe and be able to trust in the process we will be working through. As your guide in that process, I don’t need or expect you to walk through each detail of a painful or traumatic experience unless (or until) you feel safe in doing so. In order to create that safe space, we will work together to establish coping skills, incorporating  boundary setting, grounding tools, a sense of empowerment and agency, as well as hope for relief of your symptoms. Trauma survivors have often developed inspired and creative ways to turn down the volume and mitigate the impact of painful or threatening experiences in their lives. Or, you may be walking through the world on constant high alert to any potential threat, real or imagined. Both of these coping styles provide a sense of protection and control, which is often absent during the traumatic experience. Although these means of coping often served to sustain you in the moment, in the long term turning down the volume on the painful stuff or maintaining hyper-arousal means you also turn down the volume on joy, connection, happiness, and fulfillment. It’s a package deal. As such, my goal is to help you work through this, carefully and at your own pace, so that we can reopen up the space for hope, optimism, healthy connection, and a sense of well-being to return.